


Dying is easy, Living is harder

by MidgardianNerd



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-TRoS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:06:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22321543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MidgardianNerd/pseuds/MidgardianNerd
Summary: Something is stopping Poe to leave Exegol
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 2
Kudos: 20
Collections: Darkpilot Fix-Its





	Dying is easy, Living is harder

**Author's Note:**

  * For [idrilhadhafang](https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/gifts).



> For Idril, my partner in crime, who wanted some canon-compliant but still fix-it fic.
> 
> I saw the movie just once so I don't remember if Exegol is blown up at the end but for the needs of that fic, it's not. And Ben's body obviously didn't disappear. And there was no kiss. Actually, forget the last 10 minutes of the movie.

Poe observed with relief their unexpected fleet leaving the sky of Exegol, all of them going back to their lives, knowing that their galaxy was at peace now and that they played a part in it. Poe realized now how much he shouldn’t have doubt. Leia was right. There was always hope and on this day, people proved to him that freedom would always win against tyranny. They stayed deaf when they called for them on Crait. But today, they came and saved the Resistance and the whole Galaxy. They were all heroes that nobody would remember the name. But they were there and it was the only thing mattering. 

Finn was in the Falcon, safe. But they were still without any sign of Rey and Poe could hear his friend panicking over the comm, his sobs obvious and every one stabbed Poe in his heart. They were all too young for what they lived, for that war. Especially Finn and Rey. Poe truly hoped for the young woman to have survived. He couldn’t bear the thought of Rey dying now that she found that family she missed all her life. And he couldn’t bear the thought of Finn living with his heart being broken beyond repair. Both deserved to find peace and happiness. And Poe knew that it would be together. With Poe in the background to support them at every step. 

That the least he could do. Helping them to rebuild. Poe’s life was in ruins. He lost everything in that war. Tallie, Leia and today Snap. Nobody was waiting for him at home since his father died. BB-8, as much as he loved Poe, took a really fancy to Rey and Poe knew he couldn’t deny to his beloved droid to spend time with her. Finn & Rey had each other. Zorii would be back at her old shenanigans. She had that in her blood. Like Han Solo had smuggling in his. Karé just lost her husband and Jessika, her and Poe were the only ones left from the Black Squadron. Poe knew that at least both women would be there for each other. 

Poe didn’t know what would become of his life now that the fight was over. For the last ten years, that was the only thing he did and could do. Poe would always have flying in his blood but he doubted he could still be in the Army. Poe couldn’t take lives anymore. Poe had no idea where going from there. But he would follow Rey and Finn on whatever path they would choose. 

“Finn!” crackled through the comm and Poe recognized Rey’s voice, weak and full of tears but it was definitely her. 

“Rey!” sobbed Finn through the comm and Poe could feel his own tears rolling down his cheeks, finally letting himself breathing with relief and exhaustion. 

“Let’s go home!” smiled Poe, trying to be his usual cheerful self. They both sounded so broken that Poe couldn’t let them hear his own pain. 

Poe turned off the comm, letting both friends reuniting in private. He observed an old x-wing flying alongside the Falcon before his own ship and he let out a soft smile. Rey was going home. They all survived. Almost. Poe knew how lucky he had been. The young pilot prepared his hyperspace jump, ready to follow the Falcon which just disappeared when something burned on his skin, under his flight suit, making the young General screaming with pain. 

Poe felt like flames were trying to pierce through his chest’s skin and it hurt so much that Poe couldn’t hold back his screams of pain. The young pilot fumbled feverishly with the zipper of his suit, sliding his hand in it. When his hand closed on the burning sensation, Poe tore it off him, feeling the cold air of the space blowing against his wounded skin and it hurt even more. 

Poe, crying from pain now, opened his hand to see his mother’s ring resting into his palm. But instead of the usual silver metal, the ring was shining with a reddish gold and Poe could feel the hotness of the jewel burning through his glove, becoming dangerously closer to Poe hand’s skin. The young pilot’s eyes couldn’t tore themselves from the ring, wondering what was happening. Why that piece of comfort from all these years suddenly became a piece of torture?

Poe tried to rest the ring somewhere it wouldn’t do any damage to his ship, at least as long as it would take him to go back to the Resistance. But the jewel refused to leave his hand, feeling suddenly too heavy and unable to move. Poe gritted his teeth, feeling like his whole body was burning from the inside. The young man tried to not panic. He survived this war. He couldn’t die there, alone, when his friends were waiting for him. 

Despite the pain, Poe tried to take back the control of his ship, gaining back altitude but the ring burnt harder and finally pierced through the glove, attacking Poe’s right palm and the pain was so intense that Poe almost faint, his ship pricking towards the floor at full speed and Poe closed his eyes, trying to prepare his body to the impact. 

Suddenly, Poe felt the burn against his skin disappearing and Poe opened back his eyes, just in time to see the floor too close and instinctively, Poe grabbed back his X-wing stick with his two hands, pulling it towards him with his full strength to gain altitude and go away from Exegol quickly now that he was free of his mother’s ring. 

But as soon as Poe was ready to make his hyperspace jump, his right hand burned again, harder than before and Poe swore, trying to push his luck but the pain was soon insufferable and the young pilot went back flying closer to the ground, fearing for his sudden theory to be right. 

Poe could feel the ground vibrating under him while he was flying few inches above it. The burning sensation between his fingers eased and Poe sighed, resigned to follow whatever was happening, as long as the pain would stop. It was his only chance to leave that place. 

His X-wing nose pierced through the heavy clouds of Exegol, but at least Poe didn’t have to fear the lightning anymore. Apparently, killing Palpatine stopped the perpetual storm blowing on that planet. Poe flew until the pain in his hand disappeared. Only then, Poe stopped his engines and landed his ship next to a First Order TIE-fighter and Poe felt his stomach rumbling with uncomfort. Whatever was pushing him there, Poe felt that it wasn’t to reward him for his service. 

The young pilot took off his helmet before climbing down his X-wing, looking around him, searching for a sign about what he was doing there. The young man took a deep breath before opening his hand, looking at his mother’s ring into his palm. The metal wasn’t burning anymore but he was shining brighter than before, its light almost blinding Poe. The young General took off his glove before sliding the ring on his middle finger, a deep breath making his lips shivering. It was the first time in years that he put the ring on and it felt like he remembered it. Except that the ring was vibrating against his flesh, like there was a pulse making it alive and Poe felt tears filling his eyes. Suddenly, he felt like his presence was a matter of life and death. For who? Poe couldn’t guess. But he was ready to keep his promise. No more death. 

Poe grabbed the blaster strapped to his thigh before closing his fist, fearing to lose the ring. Then, he let the blinding light leading him into the dark depths of Exegol, unknowing what was expecting him there. Hoping for the best. Expecting the worst. One last time. 

* * *

After having walked through the highest halls Poe ever witnessed in his life, the young man finally arrived in a wide arena and Poe felt his throat knotting with fear when he spotted the dark throne, standing before him. The young General tightened his hand around his blaster, feeling all his fear, pain and anger throbbing through his body. 

So it was that? It was for that than Palpatine fought? That he screwed the entire Skywalker family on three generations? That he destroyed so many lives? Poe felt nausea rising in his throat and soon, he was on his knees, throwing up at the feet of this horrendous seat. 

Poe wiped off his mouth with his right hand, feeling the pulse around the ring against his lips, reminding him that he wasn’t there to note Palpatine’s fucked mind. The young man got up on his feet again, looking around him, expecting enemies to appear and kill him. Though he doubted that, if per miracle Palpatine survived, the monster would care about Poe Dameron, a literal nobody in the big scheme of the Force, Light and Darkness, Palpatine and Skywalker. 

The ring began to shine less and Poe frowned, wondering what was happening. Did he come too late? The young man walked across the room, trying to see if it could be like with the burning, if it was fluctuating due to his position. Poe saw the ring losing its golden shade to come back to the silver and he was so mesmerized by it that he didn’t spot instantly the reason he had been brought there. 

When finally the ring stopped to shine, Poe looked up, afraid to discover what was expecting him. Without the light of the ring, the wide arena was darker and Poe had to wrinkled his eyes to see. Then, he spotted it. 

Few meters from him, there was a body, lying motionless on the ground. It was only a shadow for the moment and Poe tightened his fist around his blaster before walking slowly towards it, hoping for all of this to not be a path to his own death. 

He spotted dark hair first, falling around a pale angular face and Poe felt his heart drumming in his chest, his mind already catching up with the face he would discover. His hands shook and Poe bit his lips, trying to hold back his tears, treacherous tears. When the young General arrived above the body, his cheeks were wet with tears.

Under his eyes, Kylo Ren was lying on the ground, dead. Without a breath. Without an ounce of life. Poe didn’t even realize that the pulse around his finger stopped until he sank on his knees, his body shivering with sobs Poe couldn’t control. 

Kylo Ren was his enemy. Someone who hurt and torture him. Poe should feel nothing else than relief to know that this monster wasn’t existing anymore. But Kylo Ren never has been just Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren wore the face of Ben Solo. And Ben Solo dead was something Poe Dameron never wanted to see. 

Poe’s hand shook above Ren’s face, fearing to touch him. But he looked so different than the ruthless Supreme Leader, the monstrous Knight of Ren who lashed his way through the galaxy, delivering death and chaos in his path. He looked almost...at peace. Almost like Ben Solo looked like from time to time, when he was at Poe’s side. The fact that his scar seemed to have magically disappeared didn’t help Poe to remember that this man wasn’t the young man he loved once. 

Poe, still confused about what he was doing there, checked Kylo Ren’s body, searching for any sign of lightsaber wound that Rey would have given him but there was none and Poe frowned. How did Rey killed him? But then, maybe she didn’t. It would explain why Ren was lying like that, his arms crossed on his chest, each hand wrapped around a lightsaber. Poe didn’t recognized the lightsaber in his left hand but in his right hand was resting Rey’s lightsaber, Skywalker’s saber. 

Poe’s fingers brushed against the metal, wondering if he was there for that. Maybe he was supposed to bring it back to Rey. But yet, Rey got out of this place by herself. So why did she let it there? In Ren’s hands? And if she killed him, why did she took the time and care to put him in such a respectuous position? Poe knew that both of them had a bond but even with that, he doubted that Rey would have left the Skywalker’s heritage in Kylo Ren’s hands after the man killed his entire family, by his own hands or by breaking their heart. The final result was the same. 

So why? Why did Rey offered a last bit of respect to Ren in his death? Poe sighed. Nothing was making sense and he felt exhausted, feeling the weight of these years of fight finally flowing on him. All his anger disappeared to let him just feeling grief. They won but at what cost? This war took him everything, Ben Solo included. 

Poe couldn’t help himself and he softly brushed a strand of dark hair from Ren’s forehead. He was tired and nobody was there to look at him. This man wasn’t his friend but he had his face. Maybe he was there for that. To have a chance to finally bid farewell to Ben Solo. To finally letting go that shadow who taunted his life for the last ten years and helping Poe to move on. 

“What am I supposed to do Ben?” whispered softly Poe, his eyes travelling on the peaceful face of the other man, Poe’s mind checking all the familiarities and differences since the last time he saw him. 

“Saving him.” answered a voice, resonating on the walls around them. 

Poe reacted instinctively and grabbed his blaster, his other hand wrapping around Ren’s hand, like to protect him. Poe saw a bluish shape forming before him and he didn’t hesitate to pull the trigger. But the blaster shot passed through it and Poe felt his heart freezing. 

The young man continued to shoot until the bluish shape finally had a face and winced when one of the shots went through his face. Poe doubted it truly hurt him but seeing a sign of pain or discomfort coming from one of his actions was enough to make him sick. Poe stopped to shoot, his breathing erratic when he spotted a young face with long hair framing it, reminding him Kylo Ren, but with wise eyes and it left Poe unable to do something else than to stare at him. 

The ghost -Poe couldn’t think about another word fitting better- walked to Ren’s body side, across Poe before going on his knees, mimicking Poe’s position. Then, he looked at Ren’s face and Poe was surprised to see that man’s face distorted with sorrow. Whoever they were, they weren’t there for Poe, but for Ren. Poe still couldn’t understand what he was supposed to do there. 

“Who are you?” asked Poe and the ghost looked away from Ren’s face with difficulty, like he waited for the opportunity to see him for so long. 

“Anakin.” answered the ghost, looking at Poe and the young General gasped. “I’m his-”

“Grandfather.” finished Poe for him in a whisper. 

Anakin’s ghost looked surprised that Poe knew about him and about his link to Ren. But he, like Ben, grew up with Luke Skywalker’s tales about Ben’s grandfather. Though, none of them knew at this moment that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader was the same person and the public revelation of Leia’s parentage broke their illusions about Anakin Skywalker. It actually broke Ben Solo completely. Poe supposed he began to lose Ben to the Dark Side from that moment. 

Looking at Anakin’s face, a mix of guilt, love and grief made Poe realizing how much Ben Solo always had been similar to his grandfather. In everything. His light like his Darkness. Poe felt nausea rising up again in his throat. It would have been possible for Ben to not have followed his grandfather’s fall. If someone in his family would have taken the time to talk to him. Poe loved Leia like his own family but he wasn’t sure to be able to forgive her for that one day. Every parent made mistakes. But it looked like the Skywalker’s mistakes were always more consistent for their children than for anyone else. 

Anakin’s hand framed Ren’s cheek, his thumb brushing against his cheekbone, a soft smile on his lips and Poe felt his heart aching for Ren. He was his enemy and yet, Poe suddenly hoped for Ren to have been able to feel one last time that his family loved him. And that they were forgiving him, for all the mistakes he did. Poe knew that his thoughts were weird. But what was the point to hate a dead man? 

“Why are you here?” asked Poe, his voice shaking with sadness and anger.

“To finish what he started.” answered Anakin, looking at Poe.

“I don’t understand.” whispered Poe, frowning and Anakin offered him a soft smile.

“He saved Rey.” answered Anakin and Poe gasped. Hence the position in which Poe found him. 

Both men kept silent after that, Anakin cherishing his daughter’s child and Poe having to process what he learnt. Kylo Ren did the right thing. At the end, he did the right thing and became closer to be Ben Solo that he never has been in his whole life. Poe looked at Ren’s face, unable to look away. Maybe it wasn’t Ren’s face anymore. Maybe it was Ben Solo’s face. Finally. Exposed to Poe’s eyes for the first time. Ben Solo with all his mistakes and pain. Ben Solo with all his goodness and heart. Ben Solo, with all his Light and Darkness. Ben Solo, the real one. Being himself. 

Poe’s fingers pressed softly around Ben’s left hand, his hand shaking with shyness and confusion. He was still hating Ren. But this man wasn’t completely Ren anymore. He was Ren. And Ben. And something else. A bit of each to rebuild himself like he always wanted. 

“He was supposed to be better than me.” whispered Anakin, his voice strangled with tears and Poe looked at him. 

“How?” asked Poe, frustrated. Still all hoisting Ben Solo to their standards. Would they all understand one day that these expectations fucked up so much Ben Solo than he fled to the only person who asked him nothing except being his own self. And finally, the one who probably hurt him the most. 

Poe wiped off his own tears. Kylo Ren wasn’t innocent. In any way. But it didn’t mean that he deserved to have his own life being ripped off him by people claiming to know what was better for him. He made a choice. But was it really his choice? Poe couldn’t tell. 

“He was supposed to live.” sighed Anakin, his fingers brushing off a strand of hair from Ben’s cheek, like Poe did earlier. 

“For what?” groaned bitterly Poe. He doubted that this new peaceful galaxy truly had a place for Kylo Ren. 

“To make amends for his faults.” groaned back Anakin, his bright eyes darkening while looking into Poe’s. “To finally live his own life.” continued the ghost and Poe felt like a little boy being scolded. 

“You think he could do that?” asked Poe, shy after few seconds of silence. 

“He is strong. Like his mother.” answered Anakin and Poe could only nod in agreement. 

“Why didn’t you come to him before?” asked Poe, feeling like the anger burning in his chest wasn’t only his. “He seeked for your guidance. I’m sure of that.” Ben Solo wanted so much to find his own place in that burden which was his family. He supposed Kylo Ren wouldn’t have been so different on that matter.

“I tried. Harder than anything else in my life.” whispered Anakin, his chin wobbling with sobs he refused to let go. “But Palpatine was there. Poisoning his mind with my own voice.” groaned the ghost and Poe could feel his anger, a familiar anger. Poe could believe now that this man, burning with love for his grandson, was the same man who once tore apart the galaxy. Desperate people were the most dangerous. 

“Why did you bring me there? What are you expecting from me?” sighed Poe and Anakin looked at him, quiet and nervous at the same time. 

“I want you to help me to bring him back.” answered the ghost and Poe felt awestruck. 

Since when people could be brought back from death? Why Poe didn’t learn about that earlier? He could have saved so many people. He could have saved his mum. Was it really possible? Poe looked at Anakin but there was no mischief in his eyes, just hope. A hope which rest in Poe’s hands. So, supposingly it was possible. Anakin Skywalker was probably knowing more about the Force than Poe. If it was really possible, why him? Why didn’t he appear to Rey, the last Jedi, the most powerful human being in their galaxy currently? Why did Anakin Skywalker chose him? Poe Dameron, a nobody. Poe Dameron, a man who got almost broken due to Kylo Ren probing into his mind. Why him? 

“Why me?” spat out Poe, feeling the familiar anger when he reminded what Kylo Ren did to him. What Ben Solo did to him. 

“Because you’re the only one he would come back for.” answered Anakin and Poe felt his heart beating painfully against his ribcage, his breath choking into his throat. 

He didn’t want to know that. He didn’t want to know that in his own way, Kylo Ren loved him. He didn’t want to know that Ben Solo still loved him. And that it didn’t stop him to hurt him. Poe didn’t want to know that love was still existing in him. Because he would have so to recognize that love was still existing in himself. That love was still there, between them. That love was still a big part of their relationship. 

“What if I refuse?” asked Poe, stopping himself to look at Ren’s face. He needed to think about him first. 

“So his family would welcome him among them.” answered Anakin, smiling softly, like he wasn’t reluctant at all about that idea, even if he wanted to save his child. 

“Would it be so simple for them to forgive him?” asked Poe, suspicious but also willing to have answer to his own dilemma. 

“We always loved him.” said simply Anakin.

“Despite all he did?” asked Poe and he felt Anakin’s cold hand wrapping around Poe and Ren’s. 

“Even with that.” answered the ghost, looking into Poe’s eyes. “He made mistakes. More than most people.” added Anakin. “But we still love him. There is nothing wrong with that.” whispered the man, his other hand caressing Ben’s hair. “He isn’t the only one who should ask forgiveness.” added Anakin, his eyes shining a new time with guilt. 

Poe looked at Ren’s face, his eyes wandering on these strong features softened with death. The fate of Ben Solo rest in his hands. The Skywalker family was letting him the choice to deal with their child. Would Poe have the strength to forgive Ben Solo and Kylo Ren for what they did to him? Poe promised to himself no more death. But Ren was already dead. Poe choosing to do nothing about that wouldn’t count as blood on his hands, right? But yet, Poe felt like it wasn’t that easy. Maybe the matter wasn’t about resurrecting Ben Solo. But more like was Poe willing him to give him a second chance? Thinking on that lesser scale helped Poe to think clearer. 

Kylo Ren was a monster who killed. But Poe wasn’t enough naive to think that him being on the Good Side made his own killing more acceptable. At the end, they both took lives they shouldn’t have. Poe on a lesser scale but yet, he still had blood on his hands. Kylo Ren was a soldier. Like him. Someone who followed the orders given to him. Until he conquered his own freedom and became only the tormentor, not anymore the victim. 

Poe shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts again. Kylo Ren died when he chose to do the right thing and brought back Rey. But Poe knew that if he permitted to Ben Solo to come back to life, a part of him would always be Kylo. Would Poe be ready to take the risk even knowing that? Was Poe ready to still offer him a second chance? Was he really deserving it? But yet, did Poe deserve his second chance after having been a spice runner? Poe tried to not think too much about this part of his past, about how many lives these spice cargoes might have ruined. Did Poe truly deserve a second chance after that? Even if he wasn’t aware of his mistakes at this time of his life? Was Poe really deserving to be welcome back by his father? To be accepted in the Academy Fleet? Then to be recruited by Leia Organa for the Resistance and becoming a hero? To become a General and leading the Galaxy on a new path?

Did Poe really deserve all of this? He thought maybe not but he worked hard to earn it. Because he had time to balance all the wrong he did with goodness. Ren would have so much more to do than Poe to make amends for his sins. But like Poe, in the end, it was just a matter of time. Ren would have to work by himself to repair his faults. But Poe was willing to give him the time to do it. Poe wasn’t giving him back life. He was giving him time. 

“What do I have to do?” breathed out Poe and he saw Anakin being surprised for a second by Poe’s decision before nodding with gratitude. 

“You already know.” answered Anakin and Poe hold back a groan of frustration. He got from whom Leia got her taste to talk in riddles. 

Poe took a deep breath before observing Ben’s face, Ren’s face, whatever. They would have to have a talk about his name when he will be back because it was already messing too much with Poe’s head. The young pilot sat closer to Ben, cross-legged, his eyes wandering on Ben’s closed eyes. He missed them. He missed those deep brown eyes, looking at Poe with joy and softness. He missed the feeling of being more than alive when Ben looked at him. Poe’s gaze slid along that strong nose, reminding Ben bitching about it because it made his face weird but loving it every time his father ran a finger along it, claiming that he had the Solo’s nose. 

Poe felt a soft smile escaping his lips, the memories of Ben Solo coming back to his mind, something he refused to do since Ben left him. They were good memories. Poe never should have tried to bury them. They were beautiful memories. They could have helped Poe to find Light easier in that war. They were memories of Ben Solo. A part of Poe. Ben Solo will always be a part of Poe Dameron. And he should never have felt ashamed of it. 

Poe’s eyes slid on Ben’s lips. Full lips, always willing to break in a dorky smile when Poe was ridiculous. Full lips, always willing to open to bicker with Poe like an old married couple. Full lips, always willing to welcome Poe’s mouth against them because it felt like it was the most natural thing in the world. Poe’s right hand came to Ben’s mouth, resting three fingers against those lips, in a travesty of a kiss. Because Poe wanted nothing more than to kiss them again. But he didn’t have the strength. 

Poe’s eyes fell on the ring around his middle finger. That was that small thing which brought him there. Such a little thing lead him to the most important decision of his life. Poe’s right thumb brushed against the cold metal, feeling against the pulse, weak but there. Poe took a deep breath before taking it off, making it rolling between his thumb and index. 

“I swear, you better have to return it to me after that.” grumbled Poe to Ben’s face before resting the ring on Ben’s chest, the silver metal contrasting to the dark jumper. “And now?” asked Poe when nothing happened. 

Anakin smiled softly before his both hands wrapped around Ben’s right hand, the one holding his old lightsaber. Poe observed Anakin closing his eyes, in deep concentration. Poe saw with fascination his mother’s ring shining with a silver blinding light before suddenly, both lightsabers initiated, the green and blue blades reflecting their light on Ben Solo’s face. Poe’s heart ached when he saw that face bathed with these colours, so different that the face of Kylo Ren, always bathed with red light. 

Poe felt tears in his eyes and he knew it wasn’t only because of the blinding lights of the sabers. When he looked at Anakin, the ghost was looking at his grandson, fear of unsuccess on his face and Poe wanted to reach for him, to comfort him. But nothing could comfort him, except for his child to finally opening his eyes. 

The green and blue blades began to fade to replace their colors by white, making their lights blinding Poe even more. Poe looked at Ben’s face, bathed with the purest light he ever witnessed in his life, his pale face almost shining and the young man looked weirdly sick and beautiful at the same time. Finally, the lightsabers turned off, as the ring stopped to shine, and the three of them were left again in Darkness. 

Poe waited anxiously for any sign that it worked but Ren stayed still, not breathing and Poe tried to bite down his sobs. It was silly for him to have hoped to have back Ben Solo at his side. It shouldn’t be disappointing him that much that they failed. Poe looked at Anakin, ready to ask him what they did wrong when a painful gasp was heard between them and Ben’s body convulsed back into life, his eyes opening with shock, his hand grabbing his chest. Poe, almost as shocked as Ben, acted instinctively and he grabbed Ben’s hand on his chest, his other arm wrapping around Ben’s shoulders to help him to sit and find back his breath. 

Poe felt Ren’s fingers digging painfully into his shoulder, the young man trying to breathe normally but mostly coughed off his lungs and Poe pressed the back of his neck, trying to help him in any way he could. When Ren could finally breathe again, Poe saw him swallowing before looking at Poe, confused, like he couldn’t believe to have him at his side. 

“Poe!” growled Ren, his dark eyes looking into Poe’s and the young pilot didn’t know what to say. So he looked at Anakin. 

Ben followed his glance and Poe saw the exact moment he recognized the ghost standing at their side. From confusion, Ren’s face looked like he had again four years old and Poe reminded the first time he met Ben Solo. Soft, vulnerable but only asking to be loved. Ren’s chin wobbled with sobs, tears rolling down his cheeks and Anakin looked down at his child with a soft smile, tears shining in his blue eyes. 

“Hi Ben!” whispered Anakin before his ghost began to fade into the void. 

Poe felt Ren panicking into his arms, his body still weak but trying to escape Poe’s hold. The young pilot saw Ren’s hands reaching for his grandfather’s shape, his fingers closing around void and Poe felt like his heart was stabbed when he heard Ren’s weak and vulnerable voice calling his grandfather, pleading for him to stay a little bit longer with him. But at the end, Anakin disappeared as quickly as he came into Ben’s life. And Poe couldn’t help to hate him a little bit for that. 

The silence around them couldn’t let Poe avoiding the sounds of Ben’s sobs to reach him, the young man curling on himself, like fearing what the world could throw to him. Poe couldn’t help feeling compassion for him. He just came back from death. He was lost and confused and the only one who could have given him answers just disappear. 

Poe felt Ren taking deep breaths, trying to find back some composure. And yet, he could feel his hesitation to look up, to look at Poe. Instinctively, Poe pressed the back of Ben’s neck and he felt the young man gasping in response, his whole body shivering. So then, big dark eyes looked up at Poe, nervous and suspicious. 

“You should kill me.” whispered Ben, his eyes hidden behind his dark hair falling around his face.

“A shame I just brought you back.” snorted Poe in answer and Ren looked at him, surprised before nodding. 

Both men kept silent after that, both ignoring what they were supposed to say, supposed to do. Looking like strangers yet unable to release each other one. Poe felt Ben’s hand moving under his and the young pilot let him leading their hands away from his chest. Ren looked down at the ring resting into his palm, confused before recognizing the jewel. He closed back his hand around the ring, looking up at Poe. 

“Thank you.” whispered Ben, shyly and Poe nodded, still unsure of what he should say, or feel. 

Ren turned his hand to put back the ring into Poe’s open palm and Poe sighed with relief to feel the familiar weight of the ring against his flesh. And yet, he couldn’t help a shiver to go through spine when he felt Ren’s skin against his, their fingers brushing when Ren took off his hand. 

“I’m sorry.” whispered Ren and Poe looked at him, surprised. “For everything I did to you.” he added, his eyes shining with tears.

Poe looked long to Ren and the young man let him doing it, even if Poe knew that it was killing him. Poe could see the same fierceness than Ren in those deep eyes but yet, there wasn’t anymore the despair to hurt and spread chaos. There was a tormented peace in them. 

“I believe you.” sighed Poe and Ren looked shocked. 

“You sure?” asked Ren, suspicious and Poe couldn’t help chuckling. He sounded so much like Ben Solo right now. 

“I’m not.” answered Poe with a sigh, before going back on his feet. 

Ren still sat on the ground, looking around him and Poe feared that the trust he put in Ben Solo’s redemption had been foolish, that Kylo Ren was still there, looking for a way out. But then, the other man looked up at him and Poe offered him a shy smile, understanding the decision his old enemy just took. 

“You will have to work hard to be trusted.” said Poe, his voice sterner than it ever had been. 

“I know.” sighed Ren, looking down, an exhausted hand rubbing his face. 

“Are you really ready for that?” asked Poe, cautious. 

“I am.” whispered back Ben, his eyes looking into Poe’s.

Poe looked back at him and for a moment, they weren’t Poe Dameron and Ben Solo anymore. Neither Poe Dameron and Kylo Ren. They were two soldiers with their lives in ruins. Two soldiers who had no idea what peace would bring them. For that moment, they were equals. One. 

“Alright.” whispered Poe, offering his hand to Ren. “Let’s go home.”

Ben looked at that hand, offering him a new life. At least, the chance for a new one. He took it, their fingers wrapping around each other’s palms, feeling a pulse under their fingers. Poe pulled on and Ren was back on his feet, their bodies brushing against each other. 

“Yeah.” breathed out Ben against Poe’s face. “Home.”

That was the only thing they had. 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: @midgardiannerd  
> Our Tumblr: @knightsofdamnren


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